Sunday, July 31, 2011

that feeling

Evelyn and I woke up for a midnight snack a couple nights ago.  She finished her entire 4-ounce bottle, staring into my eyes the entire time.  Then I put her on my shoulder to burp her and she squirmed around until she got her head wedged into my neck, right under my chin.  Comfortable, she sighed contentedly and relaxed.

As I gazed into her eyes, and then snuggled for half an hour, I had that feeling.  If you're a mom, I'm sure you know the one.  That feeling.  The feeling where I know I've never been as contented as I am right now, coupled with a sense of being terrified.  Happy, joyful, blessed, content and in love.  As well as overwhelmed with the sense that I have such a huge responsibility.  That's where being terrified comes in.  My daughter trusts me completely, without thinking, to take care of her.  And I am terrified of that.  What if something happens to me?  What if I can't hold her and feed her and love her and give everything I am to her?

I have to trust the Lord to take care of me, just as Evelyn trusts me to take care of her.

That feeling.  You know the one.

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