Saturday, January 14, 2012

year 28

I turned 29 today.  It doesn't seem like a very big deal.  Even knowing I'm just one year away from 30, I still feel like "meh, whatever."  We got together with my parents and grandparents last night and played games, but it wasn't a party.  I feel a bit as if I've outgrown birthday parties... at least my own.

Year twenty-eight was a great one.  I spent the first half growing a baby, and the second half getting to know her.  And both halves were delightful.

I look at Evelyn every single day and marvel at her.  Her hands, her smile, her eyes, her voice, her personality, her stubbornness, her mind.  All little replicas of me and Kevin, for better or for worse. 

Talking with my mom today, I told her that I believe you choose to love your spouse.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I think that I chose to love Kevin, and I continue to make that decision every day.

But loving your child?  That's not a choice, that's an inevitability.  You can't help it.  I know in my heart that Evelyn will never be able to do anything to cause me to love her less.  I may be sad, or grieved, or disappointed, but my love will never change.

It's eye-opening.  Once you have a child, and then as that child grows, you understand a completely new facet of God.  Nothing we can ever do will make Him love us more or less than He already does.  Rather relieving, isn't it?  And while I knew that before, I didn't comprehend it to the extent I do now, as Evelyn's Mama. 

Rambling a bit?  Yes, though I usually leave that to my increasingly-talkative daughter.  But year 28 was a great one, and I'm sure there are wonderful things in store for my 29th year.
beginning my 28th year
beginning my 29th year

1 comment:

  1. Hey Kellie! I really understand what you are saying. Having children really opened my eyes to how much God loves me! And how children are a part of you in a way nothing or no one else can be. Enjoy each day with yours!
    Aunt Joyce