how to tell you're giving birth in 1 month

1)  It's 8:30 a.m. and you're ready for your first nap of the day.

2)  Your last nap of the day is from 7:30 - 9:30 p.m.  You then wake up, wash your face, brush your teeth, and promptly go to bed.

3)  The $2.50 flip-flops from Old Navy are the only shoes that fit on your elephant feet.

4)  You think about the "good ol' days" when you were only 20 pounds overweight.

5)  You cross your legs and clench when you feel a sneeze coming on.

6)  Regarding #5, you probably have to change your underwear anyway.

7)  One of the few things you actually like about your body is how cute and little your butt looks.  Especially when being compared to your stomach.

8)  For a super fun hobby, you practice breathing.

9)  You're proud that you made it all the way to Denver without asking your husband to stop so you could pee.

10)  You can't think of a tenth thing for the list because you have absolutely no memory or ability to concentrate on something for more than 5 minutes at a time.